I fail myself.

Sometimes I push myself too much, sometimes I'm just a lazy ass.

Currently I'm a lazy ass and I really need to change that. I can't believe I'm failing a college class already. How depressing. I literally wanted to just cry. I dropped it with a W, but still I'm ashamed. I asked a few people what should I do, I'm already on the verge of staying back 3 years in De Anza, and now I'm pretty sure. BS. Too much classes i need to take in order for me to transfer, and the fact that I want to transfer to UC Berkely, however, is afraid so my back up plan is to transfer to UC Irvine,  Menlo, or Keller, which adds more classes. Oh and the fact that I need both Statistics, and Calculus and I'm only in Algebra! FML Oh and 3 years of Foreign Language (I only had 2 years of Spanish and I am not going to take my 3rd year of Spanish in college, since I didn't really learn anything back in high school. I just got Lucky) I suck at math and Foreign Language =( It's a whole different world for me when I'm trying to learn it. Sometimes... I doubt myself... and sometimes I want to give up and wish everything would just go away, but I know shouldn't. I have to remember that I'm a grown up now. I know that if i want something, I need to do my best, I gotta keep pushing myself, and never give up.

Gotta Stay positive from now on.

self-esteem

I know that guys doesn't like girls who degrade themselves, calling themselves they're fat or ugly, when they're really not. Sometimes... it's not our fault to feel that way. Even guys feel this way too.

Yeah, I'm a bit chubby compared to few of my friends, yeah I have small boobs and yeah, I don't have the most beautiful face compare to them.. At times I do feel pretty, but I never get the compliment I want to receive. Most guys says it's because I have a boyfriend, that they don't want to call me pretty or cute. My boyfriend doesn't define the way I look.

I have a couple guy friends that call me pretty, cute or beautiful and they really mean it. It makes me feel good about myself. I have a lot of pretty friends, and they always get hit on. I'm fine with it, because they're single and I'm not, but that doesn't mean I should be ignored or forgotten...It just makes me feel ugly, and horrible.

I like it.

I feel important when guys or girls ask me things, and afterward saying that they can only trust me with that question. It really makes me feel good and say the words "aww" in my head.

These people make my day.

Friendship Talk

Atran and I had a interesting talk today.
About friends.
He said that he doesn't believe in the word "friend"
First of all what am i then? just an "acquaintance"?
Ttran is one of your best friend....and I'm not?
You guys wouldn't have met if it weren't for me.
anyways he doesn't believe in it because friends just bring you down. make you lag. use it without knowing it.
oh wells i know who my REAL BEST friends are....
the ones i still talk to and actually cares about me...
ones who don't turn there back on me when i need them the most...
but i didn't want to believe what Atran said. I wanted to still have hope in the word friendship...
i still want to believe...

I created this blogspot for school! :)